By Abby Walker
Want to know the thing NO ONE is talking about during quarantine? Menstrual cycles!!!! I swear to God, If I have to go through one more quarantine period…
The day all of this started, about 84 years ago, I had my period. I also had cramps and an attitude and only a handful of tampons. Then I had an email from my job saying, “we will not be filming until further notice,” and my attitude took a nose-dive. A nose-dive into the dark unknown of quarantine periods and my favorite bag of chips.
Later that afternoon my friends and I were at a sushi restaurant, our last meal out. I was ancy and crampy. I don’t even like sushi, so I wasn’t ordering and also, I was so damn bloated I couldn’t eat anyway. While my friends were ordering their rolls, I stood up abruptly and I said, “I…I have to go.” I left the restaurant and started walking home. I needed to be horizontal. And if I couldn’t be horizontal, I needed to be walking home, on my way to being horizontal.
I arrived home and immediately laid down on the couch, closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. You know when your cramps are so bad that your ovaries kinda make your legs hurt too? Yeah, that. I laid there wishing for a heating pad to appear out of nowhere. Poof! Plugged in and warmed up. While I was at it, I also wished for toilet paper rolls in the shape of a heart to appear on the floor next to me. Make it one ply, I don’t even care! I thought. The toilet paper shortage was a curveball, and I was using napkins during the heaviest part of my cycle. I took 3 more deep breaths, slowly got up and went to the bathroom. Then I clogged the toilet with too many napkins. My cramps were easing up though, and I counted that as a win.
I had borrowed a few tampons from my friend because I couldn’t imagine going to the store. I was walking around with a heavy, dark mood. The combo that equaled this new found quarantine period turned me into a mean and melancholy tornado. I walked around my neighborhood, no one said hi to me. Not that my mood cared, but you’d have thought giving a sweet hello was the number one way to transmit the virus. It made me feel even more funky. I practiced slow flow yoga and I meditated. That relieved me for a short time until my phone rang and no matter who it was I’d roar, WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME!???!?!??!??! And then I’d answer calmly “Hello?” like I was a hotel concierge.
My sisters and I are cycle synced. So we were all feeling feelings. That night, I facetimed one of them. We just stared at each other, we didn’t talk, unless it was an outburst about the disbelief we were experiencing. Her face was the biggest window up on my computer screen, I pulled down my comforter, got in bed and put my computer on the pillow next to mine. I tucked us in.
The next day I wanted to listen to Beyonce’s I am Sasha Fierce album all day long but I needed more tampons. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. Being totally in the dumps, I wanted to be in and out of the store but that wasn’t possible. Shopping was different now. The lines were long and full of scared, masked people. I popped some ibuprofen and stood in line for 45 minutes. I finally got waved in to enter the store. My mood lifted a bit. I love grocery stores. I love the experience. I enjoy wandering around looking at new and snacky things. I gladly got caught up in the normalcy of it all. It felt great to be in a store and out of my bedroom! I loitered around in the wine aisle. I checked out the new refrigerated dark chocolate, almond butter bars, lots of sweets, my fave nacho chips and chewy snicker-doodles. I was menstruating after all. I filled my arm basket up with goodies and I grabbed a matcha at the check-out. I was excited to get home and enjoy myself. I walked to my car feeling good, more & more like myself. And that’s when I realized it.
I forgot the tampons.
Abby is a Leo in quarantine. So lots of mirror pics.