By Erin Stritmatter
I am getting married this year. Of course I’m thrilled about it. If I believed in soul-mates, and maybe I do, I would say that I have found mine and consider myself extremely lucky. We couldn’t imagine going through life without each other, so yes, we’re very excited to move onto this next phase of our lives. We also can’t stand saying “fiancée,” so we’ll be glad when that’s over.
The actual wedding part of getting married, though, has proven to be a lot harder than I ever imagined. There is so much pressure coming from places you didn’t even know existed. There is pressure from our families, even though I know they mean the very best. There is pressure from our religion (see also: families). There is pressure from our bank accounts. NEW: There is pressure from COVID-19! (keep up your social distancing, people!) And there is pressure from society. For me, this last one has been the hardest to wriggle free from.
People tell us, “make your day exactly how you want it and don’t worry about what people think!” That’s all well and good, and I think we all strive to live by that in our daily lives. But, there is a lot of expectation surrounding a wedding that, turns out, is pretty hard to escape. We’ve had so many friends get married in the past several years, and we’re grateful to be in their lives and a part of their big day (hint: that’s what you can write in your next wedding card). On the plus side, it is helpful for us to be able to look back on those weddings and get some ideas of do’s and don’ts. On the minus side, you get this nagging idea of everything yours has to be or … what it could never be.
Some real examples (no real names were used):
Adam and Carrie got their engagement photos taken in Georgetown (high-end, but very quaint shopping neighborhood in DC) on what seems like the most perfect spring day, but there were no people in the background? Did they shut down the streets for this? Now they are getting featured in every top magazine in the area.
Allie got a personal trainer, lost 20 pounds, and had perfectly toned arms that looked amazing from every angle in every picture. You could hear the whispers when she walked down the aisle at how gorg she looked. She did look gorg. And, as petty as it may sound, I want my arms to look this good. Might not get there at the rate I’m going during this quarantine…
Jim and Sarah invited all of their wedding guests to a four-course, sit down, open bar REHEARSAL dinner, complete with photographer, videographer and after party. Um, isn’t that what the next day is supposed to be?! How rich are these people? The next day (actual wedding) was even more impressive and everyone is still talking about it five years later.
Kate and James had custom designs made for all of their wedding stationery, including embroidered napkins, and had personal notes and actual useful favors waiting for everyone at the end of the night.
Monica and Will went on a one-month honeymoon gallivanting around southern Europe, stayed in the most luxurious places and seemed to have outfits that were perfectly paired for each destination. There was an update every day (maybe hour?) on Instagram, you can probably still catch it on their highlights. How could they take this much time off of work? When did they have time to plan all of these outfits, let alone the trip?
You get the idea. I’m sure you’ve witnessed it yourself or at least seen the posts, each with ten swipe-able pictures embedded in it.
We know we don’t have to have all those things, we can’t have all those things. We don’t have that kind of money, or time, or flawless arms. But, it sure is a lot to amount to. It’s hard not to compare. Shouldn’t we have some kind of “wow factor” because why are we even spending so much money and time and effort on one day with so many people if it isn’t at least memorable?
If you feel the urge to slap me in the face, talk some sense into me and tell me that it’ll be a great day no matter what, don’t worry, I know this. I know that it’ll be a great day because I get to marry the love of my life while surrounded and supported by our family and closest friends. I know that we’ll have great pictures to help us remember and show our kids someday. I know that my new husband (avoiding using fiancée) will think I’m the most beautiful bride, even if I do still have some armpit fat sticking out. He doesn’t notice those things. I know that having the biggest, grandest wedding isn’t our style. I know that having fun is much more important than having special napkins. And I know we’ll have the rest of our lives to travel the country and world and only hope that when we do, we remember to actually take it in rather than just taking pictures.
P.S. We will have a fully-stocked open bar, won’t settle on that one.
Erin is a structural engineer currently living the social distancing life in Washington, DC with her fiancee, cat, and neighbor/best friend/sister (all the same person). When she’s not planning her wedding, she’s staying up to date on the latest Netflix series, shopping to make a healthy dinner then ordering uber eats anyways, avoiding facetime calls, and searching for a new career because, it turns out, engineers don’t make enough money to afford rent. Who knew?