By Grant Chemidlin
Rise like a phoenix from the ashes!
We all know the phrase. It’s been hammered into our psyche by a million different books and poems and shitty instagram captions. My favorite depiction is in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, when Dumbledore’s pet phoenix quite literally BURSTS into flames. I mean, it doesn’t get more on the nose than that.
WELL. I have a not so popular opinion: I hate it. (Omg, not Harry Potter!! The analogy you psycho!) Sure, rising like a phoenix is beautiful and of course, I get the sentiment: overcoming extreme adversity, dealing with catastrophe, blah blah blah, but it’s overused, overdramatic, and honestly, not helpful.
Grant! You’re a f*cking monster! I know, I know, but let me explain.
Bottomline: I think it perpetuates a false idea of growth. It tells us that great change requires great tragedy, that without smoke and fire and ash, we’ll never rise, never be reborn, that being better takes a total rehaul.
Well it doesn’t people!! It doesn’t have to happen in one (fiery) fell swoop.
We can still make progress on ourselves and our lives without feeling like we need to wait around for a catastrophe to motivate us.
We’re average joes. We deal with the tiny, quiet, cries for change: the hidden depressions, the heartaches, the dream chasing, all of that soul-crushing uncertainty. Personally, I’m fortunate enough to have never had my house burned to the ground but I still can’t get out of bed in the morning because I hate my job so much...
Alright, well what’s your advice then hot shot, huh??
GLAD YOU ASKED!
Step 1: Acceptance.
Realizing that change is in the day to day. It’s baby steps. Micro-planning. Taking the time needed to turn new decisions into healthy action. IT’S SLOW AND STEADY.
Step 2: Set Goals.
You can’t start moving until you know where you want to go. Make a list of your big picture goals. Answers to questions like what do you want? and what do you want to change?
Mine looks like this:
Write a book.
Get a new day job.
Stop being so damn depressed
See how scary and lofty these are?? But it’s what I want! Even if it seems crazy and impossible and like I’ll never be able to actually change my lazy habits.
Which leads me to….
Step 3: BE NEGATIVE!!
But just while you write this next list (I love lists!!!) Okay. Jot down all your negative thoughts and feelings towards these goals, towards yourself, and change in general. Write down the obstacles in your way, your doubts, your fears, actual logistical issues (like busy schedule, xyz responsibilities.)
This exercise really helps you get introspective and can shed some serious light on your own state of mind.
Mine again:
I don’t have time to write.
I’m not talented enough.
No one will hire me because I don’t have experience
How do I even know I’m actually depressed. WebMD??
Step 4: Synthesize.
Now, look at both lists and try and draw some conclusions. Where can you begin? What’s the very first step, hell, half-step, to change? What little actions can you take each day to inch closer to who you want to be?
For me, it’s finally accepting I need a therapist and scrolling through psychologytoday.com during my lunch breaks. (Spoiler: I found one!!) It’s forcing myself to go to a monthly alumni networking event, even though I hate being social. It’s promising to write for 10 minutes every day even if it’s nonsense garbage. It’s finally going to that poetry open mic, that I hope to one day perform at (baby steps, y’all!!).
See? You don’t have to set yourself on fire just to feel change. So I say, f*ck the Phoenix! Screw rising! Let’s crawl. And eventually, when we are good and ready, hobble to our feet and trudge forward.
Grant Chemidlin is a struggling writer (15% writer, 85% struggling). He likes watching movies in the comfort of his bed, eating breakfast burritos, and posting incredibly intimate/embarrassing poems on Instagram (@gchemid). When he's not rescuing old people, he's talking to kittens. I think that's what he said.